Mistletoe
by idioticonion
Summary: Ted finally works it out. AU Season 4 - set after Little Minnesota. Written in response to a prompt over at the Livejournal Drabblethon


Mistletoe

"Will you look at Robin?" Ted said, collapsing into the booth beside Barney, a bottle of beer in his hand. "That girl knows how to _work_ it!" He rolled his eyes but felt the tiniest stab of pain in his gut, even after all this time. Robin had positioned herself below a tiny sprig of mistletoe that had some how been pinned to the ceiling over McLaren's bar. It was a pathetic twig, leaf and cluster of white berries but a surprising number of guys were using it as an excuse to kiss her then buy her a drink.

Surprisingly, Barney only grunted. Ted turned towards him, grinning. "Don't tell me you're jealous that you didn't think of it first? Besides, don't you carry around your own mistletoe?"

Barney snorted, "I'm not _jealous_!" Ted caught the bitter edge to the word, the subtle nuance, and he'd known his friend for long enough to read the signs.

"Gah… _Barney_! No. Absolutely no! Robin is off limits. Oh my _God_ no! Didn't I make that _very_ clear?"

Barney looked at Ted in surprise. "What? Ted… No! As if I'd ever-? Absolutely! I mean, Ted. C'mon!"

Ted stared Barney down, the anger rising up inside him like bile. "Jesus! You _are_! You're thinking of hitting on her! Barney… even if she wasn't my ex and it wasn't just… _wrong_! Even without that… it's Robin! I mean, you've hurt plenty of girls but she's your _friend_! How could you do that?"

Barney laughed uncertainly, eyes darting around the room as if desperate to find something to distract Ted from this line of questioning. "Ted…" He drawled, all fake confidence with a slight tinge of hysteria. "Robin's a big girl…"

Ted pulled back, ready to surge to his feet, his face twisting in disgust. "Barney, if you do that… if you sleep with Robin and break her heart… Forget us being brothers, I think I'll actually kill you!" He was so totally caught up in the moment, his vision obscured by the boiling red storm of fury that he almost missed Barney's frantic headshake, how his face blanched at Ted's words.

"No…. Ted! Don't be… Robin would never- I mean, I'd never stand a chance. Robin wouldn't go for…" Barney's eyes were wide with terror.

"Hold on?" Ted said, gritting his teeth. "The only defence you have is that _Robin_ wouldn't have you? But you got together before! You seduced her before! And you know how vulnerable she is right now."

Barney swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "No. I didn't. I never did. Seduce her, I mean. She… she initiated it. But you're right, it _was_ because she was vulnerable. She'd never even look at me if she was in her right mind."

Ted relaxed a little, leaning back into the booth, although his emotional barriers were still firmly in place. Sure, Barney was saying all the right, reassuring words but something was off. Something…

Barney shifted uncomfortably, his voice trailing off as Ted glared at him. After a moment, Ted spoke again. "So what was that all about then? That look? That tone?"

Barney opened his mouth but no words seemed to come.

"Bar-ney?" Ted said, suspiciously.

"Ted, I'd never hurt Robin. I _swear_!" He looked strangely earnest.

Ted shook his head. It was very difficult to ever take Barney at his word.

"Ted… Please!" Now Barney sounded positively desperate. "I'd never, ever hurt any of you guys. Robin, you, Lily, Marshall… you're my best friends!"

Ted softened a little bit, unable to help himself. He tilted his head, taking in Barney's wild-eyed, frantic expression and he suddenly had a leap of insight.

"Barney…" he said slowly, thoughtfully. "Do you actually _like_ Robin? I mean, I don't know. I don't know what the equivalent would be in your world. But do you want to _date_ her or something?"

The truth was revealed in a micro-second and if Ted had blinked, he would have missed in. In an instant, Barney's defences were up and he laughed a sarcastic laugh. "Nope."

"You do! Oh my god. You want to date her." Ted shook his head. "Jesus, that's disgusting!"

Barney bristled. "Ted!"

Ted laughed. "I'm sorry, dude. But the idea of you… and Robin… You-," he frowned. "Hold on. How long have you felt this way?"

Barney looked away and took a swig of his scotch. At first, Ted thought he wouldn't answer, or he'd make some kind of dirty joke to deflect the intensity of their conversation. But then Barney spoke, so softly that Ted had to strain to hear him.

"Since the accident. Probably before then, but that was when I knew." He turned back to face the bar and Ted could see everything there, in his friend's expression - the naked longing and the pain of unrequited love. He'd felt it enough times to know that it was the one emotion that couldn't be faked, that Barney could never fake.

Because Barney would never be able to comprehend it.

Wouldn't he?

Ted shook his head, trying to move the twisted, confused thoughts that had just lodged themselves in his brain.

"You like Robin…" He said. Those words sounded so banal, so utterly lacking in the ability to represent what he'd just seen and just understood. "And she has no idea…"

Barney just shrugged, not looking at Ted but still watching Robin. Watching another man kiss Robin. Barney smiled sadly.

"Oh boy…" Was all that Ted could manage.


End file.
